Breath caught at the base of throat

scared to breathe, to hope.

To hope perchance to fail?

Not stomach churning, bowel-emptying, paralyzing fear…it’s worse?

If my bowels were emptied suddenly or my stomach churned, I would know what to do (flush those undies and grab some Pepto).

Flicker of hope, only to be doused by a buckets of

avoidance, procrastination, rationalization, activity…fear.

A new box of matches